Must-Read Tips for Surrogates Hoping to Foster a Great Relationship with Their IPs

The bond between you, the surrogate, and your intended parent(s) is truly unique–a relationship unlike any other in your life. Not only are you carrying their child(!), you are also working together on issues medical, legal, financial, and emotional in nature. Because there are unpredictable ups and downs throughout pregnancy, it’s critical to establish a trusting and open relationship. Here are some of our tips and tricks for surrogates to begin to foster this very special relationship.

Keep your intended parent(s) informed. Throughout the surrogacy journey, the intended parent(s) might feel a bit removed from the pregnancy, both because they are not experiencing the day-to-day pregnancy symptoms and because they might not live near you and are unable to see you regularly. Consider how you might feel in their shoes. Unless your intended parent(s) suggest otherwise, try to keep them informed and involved with regular check-ins and updates about the pregnancy. Sending weekly bump pictures, involving them in appointments through FaceTime or providing updates afterwards, and honestly communicating your pregnancy highs and lows – as long as you are comfortable sharing – can help keep intended parents involved throughout the entire process. If the intended parents live close by, notify them of any appointments in advance as it’s likely that they will try to come along in support.

Build trust. After you’ve established the initial relationship with the intended parents, it’s essential that you continue to build trust with them throughout the entire journey. Respond to their text messages and emails when you are able to, reinforce your altruistic intentions for carrying their baby, and respect their reasonable wishes for you and the baby throughout the pregnancy. By following these steps, the intended parents will trust that you have their child’s best intentions at heart as you progress through the pregnancy.

Be respectful on social media. We believe that social media is a great platform to share your own experience, normalize surrogacy, and educate those who don’t know much about it, including debunking the myths. However, it is important to set some ground rules with your intended parents about what is okay to post on your account. Creating boundaries, and respecting those boundaries, is an essential part of building mutual trust.

Reach out for help when you need it! Don’t be afraid to reach out to your intended parents for support should you need it at any point. You should have people in your life already supporting you through this process (spouse, friends, family or colleagues), but the intended parents will likely jump at any opportunity to lend you a hand. After all, it is their child that you are carrying. And we are always here for you too! As your agency, we both support you directly throughout the process and can help you navigate your relationship with the intended parents, should you ever need advice, guidance, or an intermediary.

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At the end of the day, your kind actions are helping an individual or a couple expand their family, and for that they will be forever grateful. Although they might not be physically present throughout every step of the journey, just remember that the intended parents are part of your support system. And if any aspect of the relationship proves challenging, the Brownstone team is always there for you to provide coaching or mediate. Don’t hesitate to reach out–we have your back!