Surrogate’s Corner #5: Tales from Lisa’s 5(!) Surrogacy Journeys

Lisa C. was a surrogate a whopping 5 times for four different couples!  She has seen it all–unsupportive agencies, babies over 10 pounds, weird comments from strangers–and yet remains such an energetic advocate for the surrogacy community.  She traveled to Albany with one of her intended mothers to help (successfully) lobby New York to change its laws.  Originally from Pennsylvania, Lisa now lives near Buffalo, New York with her family.  Thank you, Lisa, for sitting down with Brownstone to talk about your incredible experiences!

How did you first become interested in surrogacy?

I first became a surrogate knowing in my heart that I had completed my family, but also knowing how much I enjoyed being pregnant and my strong desire to help other families experience the same amazing gift of having a child of their own.

What was the best part of your surrogacy journeys?

The best part of my surrogacy journeys were the amazing families I was so blessed to meet.  I felt such a strong bond with them.  The moment I saw them with their gift from god was the most unforgettable and rewarding moment anyone could imagine.

What do people not understand or get wrong about surrogacy that drives you crazy?

Many people still have the misconception that being a surrogate is like giving your own child away.  I needed to explain several times that these gifts were never mine to start with.  I was growing a child of theirs (the couple’s) because they were unable to do it on their own.

I know you experienced an emotional letdown after you delivered your first surrobabe.  Can you share a bit about that experience and what you recommend to other surrogates?

Yes – when I went through my first surrogacy experience, I did experience a bit of emotional distress.  That was only due to me not fully understanding what my body and emotional health needed.  It was a picture perfect pregnancy, I had an amazing couple, no complications and I never really felt a bond with the baby I was carrying throughout the pregnancy.  But it being my first surrogate experience, I did not fully understand how my mind would respond in that post-delivery period.  I was so happy for the family and I felt great physically, but shortly after delivery I started to feel a sense of loss. I was confused and didn’t understand where this feeling was coming from until I realized my mind was telling my heart I had lost the baby.  I quickly realized what I needed and it was pretty simple and my family was more than understanding:  I just needed to see lots of pictures of them with their new bundle of joy.  After seeing them with him, happy and healthy, I felt perfect again.

What should surrogates look for in an agency?

If I had to give my opinion on what surrogates should look for in an agency it would be support, understanding and an agency that is truly there to help a deserving family finally achieve their desire to have a family.  Avoid agencies that make you feel like a number or that give you the sense that you are somehow being selfish for being compensated for what you are doing for these families.