How to Find thePerfect Egg Donor for You: Part 1

In many ways, finding the right egg donor for your family building feels like the most overwhelming and significant decision.  After all, this person’s contribution will provide half of your child’s genetic makeup.  And, if your child has a relationship with this donor in the future as they mature, the choice may feel incredibly important to your child too.

At the same time, we know that genetics do not make a family.  In this surrogacy world, we call you an intended parent because it is your intent to bring this child into the world that is the most crucial part of your family building.  Every child comes from sperm, egg, and a uterus, but family is about love and nurturing, and the imprint you will have on your child through your parenting is immense.

But enough waxing poetic, for now.  Part 1 focuses on where to find your donor and Part 2 focuses on how to choose your donor, but each piece is closely connected to the other, so be sure to read both!  Let’s dive in:

1.  Fresh or Frozen?

One of the first questions to answer is whether to use a donor egg bank to purchase a “cohort” of frozen eggs or to work with an individual—whether a friend or family member or someone you find through a clinic or agency—who undergoes an egg retrieval specifically for you (often called “directed” or “designated” donation).  

There are advantages and disadvantages to each path.  For example, with frozen eggs, you typically receive 6-8 mature eggs, they are already banked and ready for you, there may be more donors to choose from, and purchasing frozen eggs is usually less expensive.  However, with a directed retrieval, while the costs may be higher, the wait time longer, and the outcomes less predictable, the retrieval usually yields 15 or more eggs, which gives parents higher chances of multiple viable embryos.  For this reason, for intended parents who know they want multiple kids through surrogacy, or for gay male couples that want to do a “split cycle” where each partner uses his sperm to fertilize half of the eggs, we usually recommend a directed (or “fresh”) egg donor.  Additionally, a directed retrieval may produce better outcomes; a 2017 study showed that a fertility cycle was 19% more likely to result in a live birth if the egg used had never been frozen.

2.  Friend, Family, Clinic, or Agency?

If you decide to proceed with a donor that will do a directed retrieval for you, you then have to find that person.  Parents can find their donors through their own lives, through their clinic if they have an in-house donor pool, or through third-party agencies.

For some parents, there’s a special person already in their life who can be their donor.  But those parents should be aware that such a friend or family member still needs to go through the entire screening process, you will all need to meet with mental health professionals, and a donor agreement is still required.  So while it is a simpler option in some ways—and for gay male couples who use a sibling egg donor, offers a way to incorporate the genetics of both partners—it is still a whole process.  Moreover, a particular loved one may not be the right choice for very practical reasons, such as their anticipated egg quality or quantity, concerning genetic testing results, or the worry that your relationship may change over time.

Most intended parents will instead find their donor through a clinic’s in-house pool or through a third-party egg donor agency.  Again, there are pros and cons to each approach.  A clinic donor will have already completed the screening required by your clinic and may live local to the clinic, cutting down on travel costs.  But usually the selection of donors in an in-house clinic pool is limited.  You have many more options going through independent agencies that recruit and screen egg donor candidates.  Parents can search multiple databases in their quest for their perfect match.  However, finding a donor through an agency is typically more expensive, the timeline a bit longer, and the process a bit more complicated.

3.  Ethical Considerations

In the next part of this blog post, we cover the different relationships you (and your future children) can have with an egg donor.  But one often overlooked factor in finding an egg donor is the role played by the clinic or agency in three key ways: recruiting, screening, and ongoing disclosures.  For example, different agencies have different practices when it comes to how aggressively they recruit young women, how deep they dive in verifying the information they receive from prospective donors, how much information they share with intended parents, and how diligent they are in keeping parties informed of any developments, such as new information about the donor’s family medical history.  While these considerations may not be top-of-mind when you are searching through 30 databases for someone who “feels right” for you, they may prove important later on in your child’s life.

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At Brownstone, we strive to be your true partner through these major decisions.  We stand ready to make recommendations and referrals to ethical providers and to be a sounding board as you figure out what’s best for your family building.  Check out Part 2 of our How To Find the Perfect Egg Donor series, and contact us today to begin your journey!