Surrogate’s Corner: Why I Decided To Become a Surrogate

Brownstone is so lucky to have Yesenia on our team. Many people active in the surrogacy community on Facebook know Yesenia from her compassionate and honest contributions to group discussions. Yesenia is available as a “surrogate mentor” to any Brownstone surrogate who wants to chat with her. She also helps make sure all of Brownstone’s policies and procedures are crafted to improve our surrogates’ experiences. We recently sat down with Yesenia to ask her about her own experience as a gestational surrogate.

Q: How did you first learn about surrogacy and how did you decide that you wanted to be a surrogate?

I’m honestly not sure how I first learned about surrogacy. My own pregnancies and deliveries were easy (so much that I decided to do a home birth for my second!). I remember after having my own kids thinking, “I could do this for someone else.” But surrogacy was only something I had seen with celebrities or in the movies, I didn’t know how to get started. I knew nothing about agencies and the thought of figuring it all out myself intimidated me. Surrogacy was just a nice thought until I found out a friend of mine was pregnant as a gestational carrier. I asked her a million questions.

After that, the thought wouldn’t leave me alone. I saw surrogacy in a show I was watching on Netflix. Then on vacation in Hawaii, I ran into another lady who was pregnant as a gestational carrier. I felt like the idea followed me wherever I went! I thought about friends and family members who struggled to get pregnant and all I could thinking of was helping someone complete their family. I started my own research and reached out to a few agencies until I found the right one.

Q: How did your family react?  I know your husband was initially hesitant, how did you convince him?

My husband definitely took some convincing. He initially dismissed the idea. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I did so much research until I felt confident in the process. I sat down with him and asked about his concerns. The first (and biggest) was due to a misconception about gestational surrogacy. He didn’t realize that the embryo would come from the Intended Parents and assumed my eggs would be used. I was able to answer his questions and concerns with confidence because of the research I had done. After that conversation he was on board.

Also, no one likes to talk about this part, but discussing the compensation helped. My husband is the furthest from being materialistic, but we sat down and made a plan for the potential compensation. Gestational Surrogacy is something I wanted to do for me. It was also something I wanted to do for another family. Talking about the compensation and making plans for it helped make it about our family.

Q: How did you find your agency and how would you advise other surrogates on how to choose an agency?

I worked with a great agency and I think that made all the difference in my journey. Like many, I started with a Google search for surrogacy agencies. I read reviews, searched through websites and Facebook groups. I eventually submitted interest forms on the website of three potential agencies. From there, I interviewed each one as they interviewed me. I ultimately decided to work with the agency that made me feel most comfortable.

Surrogacy can be an intimidating process. My advice is to find an ethical agency with staff who have been through the process themselves, provide support, and help you feel confident along the way: An agency like Brownstone!

Q: What was the process like for matching with intended parents and what was your relationship like with them?

The matching process was so exciting! I remember my heart pounding when I received the email that I had gotten my first profile to review. That profile didn’t work out. I was disappointed but knew the right match would come soon. About two weeks later, I received the second profile. I remember thinking, “Wow! They sure will make beautiful babies!” I read through their answers and saw what a lovely couple they were. They seemed eager and so caring. I chatted with the agency staff about the IPs and they also felt confident that we would mesh well on a personal level. So we scheduled a match call.

My husband and I were very nervous for that Zoom call, but once it started I was surprised at how much we had in common and how comfortable we were with each other. This call is what made my husband go from supporting me to become emotionally invested in helping the IPs complete their family. We ended up building such a beautiful relationship throughout our journey.  We talked regularly. They came to as many appointments as they could. The twins are almost two years old now and we still keep in contact.

Q: What surprised you about the process, whether it be related to screening, matching, medical, or legal parts?

I think the biggest surprise for me was regarding the emotional bond with the twins I carried. I made sure I stayed healthy and cared about their well-being, but it was much different that with my own pregnancies. With my own children I was dreaming about their future, wondering what our lives would look like, what their personalities would be, etc. I didn’t do that with the twins, so I felt a little emotionally disconnected from them, which surprised me.  After the delivery and everyone was back home with their families, I realized that the bond I had was more with the Intended Parents than it was with the babies.

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Thanks so much for sharing, Yesenia!  If you’re ready to start your surrogacy journey, or want to chat with Yesenia to hear more about her experience, reach out now!