An Intended Parents’ Guide to Thoughtful Surrogate Gifts

Many intended parent(s) wish to show their appreciation for their surrogate by sending gifts to them throughout their journey together. While the best gift the intended parents can give to their surrogate is a supportive and respectful relationship, there are thoughtful ways to acknowledge and celebrate your surrogate. Each surrogate has unique interests and needs you’ll come to know over the course of your journey, but if you’re looking for help generating ideas, we’ve created this guide that’s broken down by milestones. We’ve also included some suggestions for special occasions and holidays, as well as gifts for the surrogate’s kids!

Note that surrogates do not expect to receive gifts from their intended parents. This is completely optional!

Milestone One: Transfer

If your surrogate is currently in the transfer stage of the journey, you’re likely still building your relationship with them and are looking for ways to show your initial appreciation for them. This stage is a great opportunity to give gifts that will help the transfer process go more comfortably for surrogates. 

• • • • If your surrogate is traveling for the embryo transfer, you can arrange for flowers or a sweet treat to be delivered at the surrogate’s hotel. If you are meeting them for the transfer, consider treating them to a meal afterwards. 
      • Speaking of food… There are many types of food baskets that you can purchase from stores like Costco, Amazon, or a local grocery store. Or, if you already know some of your surrogate’s favorite snacks, you could make a custom basket and ship it to them! We recommend a combination of sweet and salty snacks to satisfy the many cravings that your surrogate might have!
      • Other thoughtful gifts that can bring comfort to your surrogate during this time are throw blankets, warm pajamas, robes, fuzzy socks, slippers, or herbal teas. 
      • A thoughtful, hand-written card letting the surrogate know just how appreciative you are for them is a great gift in itself, or a wonderful addition to a gift you’re giving. 

Milestone Two: Visit(s)

Visits are a great opportunity to build your relationship with your surrogate and give a meaningful gift to them. Showing your appreciation can go a long way in strengthening your bond. Every relationship looks different and you might not have the opportunity to visit in person – that’s okay! Planning a Zoom meet-up or FaceTime call goes a long way as well!

• • • • If you’re able to visit in person and have a meal together, it’s a great chance to treat your surrogate (and her family, if possible) to dinner. It could be at their favorite restaurant, a new restaurant in town, or just something that they’re craving. Dessert afterwards is optional, but encouraged! 🙂 
      • If you’re planning a Zoom or FaceTime visit, consider purchasing your surrogate’s family  a giftcard to a local restaurant or UberEats / Grubhub / DoorDash so that you can share a meal virtually! If there’s one thing we learned from the pandemic, it’s that eating a meal together and talking over Zoom is a lovely way to spend the evening! 
      • At this point, you likely know a little bit about your surrogate’s likes and hobbies, and therefore can purchase more personal gifts. Uncommon Goods and Etsy are great places to order customized gifts like journals, t-shirts, mugs, socks with the surrogate’s pet on them, necklaces, or even portraits of the family. 
      • Share a little bit of your home: Souvenirs, popular items, or delicious and unique food from your city can be mailed to their home.
      • Belly balm and other self care items (just make sure they’re safe for use while pregnant!) 
      • You rarely go wrong with a box of chocolates!

Milestone Three: Delivery

The delivery is the chance for you to show your appreciation for the wonderful gift that your surrogate has worked so hard to give you! Showing your gratitude for your surrogate in this exciting time is a meaningful way to continue the relationship after the birth.

• • • • A necklace or bracelet with the charm of the babies’ birth flower, or the birth stone, is a thoughtful gift that your surrogate can wear around with pride and always hold dear to her. 
      • Flowers are a generous gift that can add a pop of color to the hospital room. Bonus points if you know your surrogate’s favorite flower!
      • If they’ve been missing out, a bottle of wine, a pack of their favorite beer, or a bag of coffee beans are a great gift that your surrogate can finally utilize in the postpartum period.
      • A gift card to a local restaurant for an upcoming date night.
      • A hand-written card showing just how much this whole journey means to you and your family is a wonderful way to wrap up this journey with your surrogate!

Special Occasions, Holidays & Gifts For Kids

Mother’s Day is a great way to celebrate your surrogate and all she does for her own family. Alternatively, use your own child’s birthday or a day you celebrate (including Mother’s Day or Father’s Day) as an occasion for recognizing your surrogate for what she did to make that day possible.  Having flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, or baked goods delivered to them is a great way to remind them how much you’re thinking of them on this day.  Other great gifts include self care products, a gift card for a massage, or a gift card to Amazon, Target, or a local shop!  

Many intended parents choose to send gifts to their surrogate during the holiday season. Cookies, hot chocolate bombs, a box of chocolates, or pints of festive ice cream flavors are simple things that surrogates will love receiving! You can also consider gifting a family-friendly gift, like a board game, a membership for an activity (the zoo, aquarium, amusement park), or a subscription to a cooking service (like Hello Fresh or Blue Apron). 

Sending a gift for your surrogate’s kid(s) is a nice way to show your surrogate how much you care about her and her family. Depending on the age and interests of her kid(s), you might consider gifting a story book, a toy, arts and craft supplies, a souvenir from your city, a stuffed animal or squishmellow, or even seasonal gifts like an advent calendar or a back-to-school gift!