Becoming a Surrogate? Here’s How To Gain Support from Your Family & Friends

When you’re ready to announce your surrogacy journey to your family and friends, they will likely be very supportive of and excited for you. However, there are instances when friends and family won’t agree with your decision, and it’s important to prepare how you will handle any negative reactions. At the end of the day, this is your personal journey, but having a strong support system will make it just that much easier to go through.

Your Spouse

Surrogacy can be physically and emotionally challenging and it impacts your whole family. Your spouse must be supportive before we can move ahead with processing your application. We recommend you discuss surrogacy with your spouse to ensure that they are on board with what’s to come. They will likely have many questions, and perhaps even some concerns. Here are some of the common concerns that a spouse might have about your surrogacy journey.

• • • • Your children. If your spouse is worried about how your own children will react to this news, assure them that there are many ways that you can explain surrogacy to your children that are age-appropriate. However you decide to tell your children, there are many resources that will help your children understand exactly what it is that you are doing and why you are doing it.
      • Your own wellbeing. It’s likely that your spouse will be concerned about your own wellbeing throughout this journey. It’s important to remind them that you are not genetically related to this baby nor intend to parent it, so there is a level of emotional separation that comes with always knowing that your role is to carry the baby for nine months before handing the baby back to its parents.
      • Concerns about others. If your spouse is worried about how other family members and  friends might react, continue reading this post and you’ll learn how we recommend you approach any concerns from family and friends.

As always, the Brownstone Surrogacy team is here to help address any questions or concerns, should that be helpful.

Your Extended Family and Friends

Although Brownstone Surrogacy doesn’t require extended family and friends to be on board with your journey, we do recommend you have a strong support system all around. This support makes the emotional journey easier, and you know you can rely on them for any help with your children, appointments, and any other needs you might have throughout the journey. Here are some tips for handling questions and concerns your extended family and friends might have!

• • • • Be confident. Being confident and passionate about your decision will show that you’ve spent the time researching this topic, which will likely bring comfort to your family and friends. We have many great resources on our website that can answer your questions and teach you more about this journey. Check out our FAQ for surrogates here.
      • Educate them. It’s possible that the reason your friends and family might have concerns and judgments is because they have misconceptions or a lack of information about surrogacy. We recommend that you have informative conversations that begin to expose your friends and family to the beauty and fulfillment of the surrogacy journey. Preparing your research, guidelines and boundaries before beginning to have these conversations will ensure that you are prepared for their questions.
      • Be an active listener. Although it might be difficult, lowering your defenses will make it easier and safer for your friends and family to have these conversations with you. Being an active listener will likely encourage your friends and family to ask you questions about this journey.
      • Decide what questions are off limits for you. Some people might have difficult questions that you are uncomfortable answering, like why the intended parents have decided to go through a surrogate rather than adopt. You are not responsible for speaking on behalf of the intended parents, and can let the family member or friend know that you cannot answer that question. You can also simply remind them that how a couple decides to build their family is completely up to that couple.
      • Agree to disagree. Although it would be ideal that everyone is on the same page, you can agree to disagree with some of your friends. And that’s completely okay! While it’s important to be respectful of others, it’s not necessary for everyone to agree. Having said that, friends and family members might come around as you continue through the journey and they become more familiar with surrogacy.

At the end of the day, what is most important is that you stay true to yourself and your values, and hopefully all of your friends and family will get on board and support you throughout this journey. The team at Brownstone is here to support you, to answer any questions or concerns, and help provide you with all the information to address any negativity you come across.